Confession: When I get nervous or anxious, I eat
myself. Literally. I pick at the skin around my nails and tear
it away with my teeth. And when I’m trying
to give the open wounds on my hands a chance to heal, I start gnawing on my
bottom lip. For the most part, I don’t
even realize that I’m doing it until I’ve drawn blood. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can
remember, and because of it, I have callused thumbs and a permanent crater on
my bottom lip. I can’t seem to shake
this anxiety trigger no matter how mindful I try to be. I’m starting to think that this gross habit
of mine predisposes me to becoming a great zombie.
Greg and I have had countless discussions about what would
happen to us during the zombie apocalypse.
Though I’ve instructed him to shoot me in the case of our apartment
getting overrun, there’s a huge chance I’ll be bitten too quickly
for him to help. The reality of it is
that I would be eaten immediately (my hopes being that enough of me survived to
become a walking dead). Greg would likely
survive, and he may or may not come back to collect me and lock me up in a cage
waiting for a cure.
We’ve thought about the different options for me as a
zombie. Because of my passive
personality and love for everything, it wouldn’t be so far fetched to see me
sitting in someone’s front lawn eating daisies as opposed to the helpless child
wandering the streets. Greg and I have
laughed over the humorous prospect of me trying to convert my zombie friends to
vegetarianism.
However, with relation to my skin biting, it’s likely that I
may find brains delicious. My worry is
over the execution of retrieving said brains.
I’m a pacifist by nature, and I just can’t see myself hunting down an
innocent human, no matter how black my own brain becomes. It’d probably be more likely that I would
just be softly growling from a distance and gnashing my teeth together ever so
lightly in the hopes that the living would approach me.
Or maybe I'll just end up resorting to this:
 |
| Zombie Erica enjoying a chicken nugget. |
I don't think human preferences affect zombie flesh cravings, so sorry kid - no zombie vegetarianism for you!
ReplyDelete"I’m starting to think that this gross habit of mine predisposes me to becoming a great zombie."
ReplyDeleteyou, my dear, are so, so AWESOME.
ahhaha, you're awesome. loved this part: I’m starting to think that this gross habit of mine predisposes me to becoming a great zombie.
ReplyDeletehahaha!
Yikes. Your chicken nugget eating zombie picture terrified me. I may have shit myself. However, this was also hilarious. I don't think your inlinkz is working correctly on yeahwrite though.
ReplyDeleteGlad I could make you laugh (and poop your pants). Thanks for stopping by! This is my first time linking up with yeahwrite, so it's fitting that it's not working correctly. haha Thanks for letting me know. I've been having, what I think are server issues tonight too, which might also be the culprit. Glad you were able to find me, though my entire blog here has since been transferred to www.yeahimanerd.com Hopefully you'll be able to get to that website in the near future so you can keep up with my current entries. :)
Delete